Well... what else do i do?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

rules for me

1. stop eating sweets.
2. use the calorie counter.
3. stop eating past 9... again.
4. stop taking other peoples things.
5. stop complaining.
6. stop talking about yourself. no one cares about you or your life.
7. stop talking shit about other people.
8. stop talking.
9. work out.
10. eat veggies.
11. fit in that dress.
12. stay out of peoples way.
13. dont skip any more classes.
14. do you work and turn it in on time.
15. dont argue.
16. dont start shit.
17. be polite.
18. smile.
19. laugh at jokes.
20. do what you have to do. it will soon be over.
21. stop being such a bitch/drama queen/loser/drama queen.
22. shut the fuck up and go to bed.

posted by Jilli V @ 11:53 PM 0 comments

chaos

kayla always knows how to make me feel like crap. i always do things that make her mad and then when i say someone else does it she goes "yeah you do it too" and then i dont know what to say.
its like im a terrible roomate. like she hates being my roomate. i always have a fear that she hates being my roomate. like shes mad at me but wont say anything because she doesnt like confrontation. its embarrassing.
and once again... i will stop talking. i always say i will stop talking and i do for a couple days. but its so lonely. i dont know what to do. i also am afraid that jonathan is going to hate living with me too. i leave stuff around. i am not that organized. i just dont want people to be mad at me. its inevitable. i am going to shower and sleep. even watching glee isnt making me see the brighter side. ill watch the rest tomorrow.
shit

posted by Jilli V @ 10:57 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

frustration

so jonathan read all my posts yesterday much to my dismay. i had thought i could keep it all a secret but with everything happening i let him read it. he actually told me i could use it more if i wanted too.
i am not ashamed!
i will use it more!

so.
today i am at the preggers center. i always feel as thought i know what im doing but i always get notes afterwards. when i am being shadowed by another one of the volunteers im fine but if the director shadows me im a mess!
also, when someone tells me their faith story and where they go to church and when they were baptized i dont feel the need to read them a tract and tell them about jesus. i can help them with their faith, sure, i can give them a bible study booklet, sure. but i dont feel as though i HAVE to share the gospel with them again. yes they arent married, yes they are having sex outside of marriage, and yes i do tell them what the bible says about this.
my director always has something to say. "if they arent married and are having sex they must not be as strong in their faith as they say they are so you might as well share the gospel with them" i could yes, but when the client has seen that her test is negative, i have told her what god feels about premarital sex, she is eyeing the door, and pleading with me with her eyes to let her go im not going to piss her off by keeping her there and telling her my testimony. im sorry. thats my viewpoint. i will do it your way until you let me be there on my own then i will do what my heart and soul are leading me to do. SORRY!

oh and she's one of those smile discouragers. even though they are telling you something negative they feel the need to remain smiling while doing so. i am not a fan. and she smacks before she starts a sentance.
pretty much im not her biggest fan.

posted by Jilli V @ 4:16 PM 0 comments

days are just pieces of time

yesterday was a bad day. that carried into today. things that happen one day usually affect the following day. WHO CAME UP WITH THAT?! they should be tarred and feathered. i call and text and email the girl. she comes into class and glares at me when she is finished ignoring me and says, "i wrote it myself" oh... ohhhhh. i get it. i am insignificant to you. i am a pebble in your shoe. i am so tired of your bullshit. its not a grade. you can write whatever the mess you want. it doesnt matter to me anymore. 30 MORE DAYS.
ignore me if you dare dr newell!!
order me around anastasia!!
i WILL finish this year and i WILL graduate. with or without either of you.
i will study. i will sleep. i will get things done.
i will love jonathan with all of my heart.
i will not be distracted.
with all of my heart i want to sleep right now. i will go to the preggers center now.

posted by Jilli V @ 12:05 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

i knew

i knew this blog would be found by someone who would get supremely offended.
but i have read through the posts.
and jonathan has read through the posts.
im not a raving lunatic.
im not a horrifically terrible person.
yes i rant, yes i vent, yes i talk about people behind their backs.
but really as i say ALL THE TIME on here, i would never say these things to them because there is no reason to. that doesnt mean i dont feel those things. sometimes people need vent and be able to say what they need to say and get it out and never think of it again.
so "king" whoever you are, im sorry i offended you. this was supposed to be secret. i messed up and let the link on my facebook. but it has been dealt with and will not happen again.

NOW for the real reason i came to the blog today.
one of my professors drives me crazy. makes me pissed and confuses me. i was just starting to like him when today he, in the middle of the class, pointed at me like i was in salem and had just turned someone into a frog. i was reading. yes. yes i was. was i supposed to be taking notes? yes, yes i was. i was in the wrong. i understand. BUT i feel as though he should have talked to me outside of class instead of being a douche and embarrassing me. i almost started crying right in class. it terrified me. i thought i had killed someone or drawn an effigy of him but... i was reading. which i shouldnt have been doing. STILL. i didnt like it. it hurt my feelings. it scared me. i cried after class.

posted by Jilli V @ 4:14 PM 2 comments

Sunday, March 21, 2010

beginning of the bridezilla

one of my bridesmaides pops on my today "what shoes am i wearing?"
...
WHAT?!
i sent them a picture of shoes and all the info they needed to get them in october. OCTOBER. the shoes were on sale so i said, "GET THEM NOW! TODAY!"
she didnt.
she says she never got the text. even though i have the text and response saying, "mkay!"
im sorry if i assumed that she got them.
she didnt
luckily my mom bought herself a pair. a size seven. this bridesmaid wears a size 5 1/2. oops! oh well. im sorry but you are wearing a 7. and you owe me $20. thanks. and good night.
poor jon boy is having to be a mediater and i feel so bad, he's doing a good job. she and her mom are so pissed. oh well. you effed up. good luck with that.

posted by Jilli V @ 11:59 PM 1 comments

Sunday, January 24, 2010

diet

diets are freaking hard!
i dont know what to do with my life!!
i am following katilette's and shaycarl's advice concerning intaking more water to get rid of belly fat. katilette says that your body has all this fat stored in your belly and that it needs to get it out. so when you eat good things it has to find energy out so it starts working on the fat in your tummy. and it does this best in the morning! so, like she did after she had babytard, i am eating only natural foods in the mornings, all morning. i usually alternate fruits and veggies on opposite days. i love these things so it hasnt been that hard. it has, however been hard finding a variety, SO i have been getting dried fruits too. I LOVE BANANA CHIPS. ok onward. and then at noon i will either eat a salad, or i have been on a jimmy johns veggie sandwich kick, or have a protien shake, then i have 1 snack in the afternoon like cheese or special k crackers or a single laffy taffy (dont hate me) and then a normal dinner. then stop eating at 9 pm so it can all digest before i go to bed. and then work out.
I HAVENT SEEN ANY RESULTS YET. its also that time of the month so that isnt helping either. im always hungry so sometimes i give into terrible cravings. BUT! i will prevail!!! my wii fit is like up and down up and down up and down. loose 2 pounds gain 2 pounds loose 3 pounds gain 3 pounds. it is freaking out! but! again! i will prevail!!

also if you dont keep up with the shaytards, you should, they are adorable.

Labels: banana chips, diet, katilette, shaycarl, shaytards, weight

posted by Jilli V @ 4:04 PM 0 comments

this is a blog i just decided to start. just for fun. just to write things that i dont think people will really care about if i strike up a conversation but i still feel the need to say. strange? yes. but thats me.

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